What I forgot to mention though, was that the only thing better than my sense of direction...is my driving. Well, driving backwards I should say.
I've backed into garage doors, ripped off rearview mirrors, hit cars behind me, basketball hoops...you name it.
I've known of this gift from the very beginning. I'll never forget during my driver's test, seeing the whites of the eyes from the man clenching his clipboard in the passenger seat beside me. My parallel parking skills were pure genius.
That was many years ago and I'll have to say that my propensity to drive backwards in any situation, resembles somewhat of a Ninja. I'm that awesome.
Take yesterday for instance. Preston and Ethan both had football games at the same time. These are the days when my husband Adam and I have to divide and conquer. The last thing Adam said to me as we were getting into different cars was, "You HAVE to follow the GPS, okay?" Giving him my best, "I've got this" expression, we were off.
Five minutes turned into ten, ten into thirty...I was definitely lost. The GPS died (I'm not kidding) but we somehow managed to find the field...because it was big...and green.
The next problem I had to figure out was where to park. There were no parking spots. I kept driving back and forth past the field with nowhere to stop.
Finally pulling into a lot away from the field, I figured we would just go with it because Preston had to make his game. I'd worry about finding the car again later.
Aaaaaand...here's where the fun began.
The parking lot was full and the only empty spots said, "Reserved". I kept going and going until the point where the lot ended but then I couldn't turn around. It was too narrow and there were cars on both sides.
I sat at the end of the lot and tried to figure out what to do. In front of me, there were two yellow poles with a maintenance road that continued beyond them. Now, the smart person would see the poles and decide, "Hmmmm, those are probably there for a reason."
I knew that the road ahead was my only option though. I had to pull through the poles and go forward. There was NO way I could back out of an entire parking lot of cars. That would be the pit of snakes to my Indiana Jones.
Carefully driving through the narrow space, a rush of relief flowed through me as the open road welcomed me. The only problem was that the "road" suddenly turned into a sidewalk. Yes. A sidewalk. (Stupid yellow poles.)
There was nowhere to go but back. Taking a deep breath, I turned around and shot Preston a determined look. "Let's do this Buddy. You ready?"
"Ready, Mommy. Why are we driving on a sidewalk?"
"Don't worry about it little man. We're going back. Hang on."
Rolling the windows down to heighten my hawk like senses, I put my right hand on the headrest of the passenger seat and checked the rearview mirrors. Everything was all clear. I was going to back this car up like a rock star.
We pulled away from the sidewalk, made it to the "road"...and quickly approached the shiny, fancy cars...the first of which was a silver Mercedes. Focusing on that one, I made sure to keep it in my view.
For the women reading this, you're probably thinking, "don't hit the cars", for the men?...POLE.
BAM! We hit that thing so hard, Preston and I flew forward. I threw it into park, checked him out to make sure he was okay and then my mind began to race. "We hit a car. We hit a car." There was nothing in my mirrors or behind me but I knew we hit a car.
Jumping out, I ran behind to see the bent pole with our bumper around it. At the same time, I heard "OHHHHHHHH! Man, she HIT it!" Turning to my right, there was a bus full of boys from a track team. They were all getting ready to go to a meet when they witnessed my mad skills.
By this time, Preston jumped out of our car yelling, "We crashed the car! Mommy! We CRASHED it!"
The driver of the bus stepped out to come over. He was a tall six foot something, handsome young twenty-ish year old wearing a track suit. In a strong African accent, he flashed a perfect smile. "Lady. You do not drive good at all. I can help you if you want."
Picking Preston up, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I knew there was no way I could back out between the two poles, let alone through the whole lot.
Nodding my head, I motioned for him to go ahead. God love the boy, he jumped in, pulled forward, backed out and drove backwards with like, zero effort.
Walking down to the bottom of the parking lot, I carried Preston and we made it where the guy was waiting.
"You okay lady?" His smile was genuine and it felt as though he was a guardian angel. "I'm okay. Thank you so much."
"No problem. Be careful now."
He ran back up to the bus smiling and shaking his head. Preston and I got back in the car.
We made it to Preston's game just in time and he was excited that we had a real car crash just like in the movies.
I suddenly realized that I had to make the dreaded phone call. It was even more fun to do from one noisy football game to another.
"Adam. Yes! We're here! We made it. Everything's fine but I hit a pole with the car and a guy from Africa helped me!"
"WHAT?! You hit a WHAT and WHAT?!"
"I'll tell you when I'm home. If I can find home. The GPS is dead. Love you!"
Like a Ninja.
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